I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
