it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
