Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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