Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
