So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just googled if crying burns calories
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
