the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize