every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
