So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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