I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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