was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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