And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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