I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Sorry about my life...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
