Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
