Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
