So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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