If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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