It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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