areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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