Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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