so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
