glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
