Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Randomize
