it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
