Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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