took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
A bitchslap is in order.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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