My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
