Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Sorry about my life...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
