He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
