Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
