You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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