At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
