it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
