i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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