I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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