Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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