Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
