Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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