# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
