i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
