Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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