I think my fart just growled at me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
