I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
