Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
