Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
