Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
