I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You're a waste of cheezeits
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
