You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
