i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Randomize
