Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
