I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
