Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
