my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
