did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize