So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
try to milk me bitch
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