A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
