I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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