i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
