even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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