I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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