Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Duck Duck Cougar?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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