And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
