I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
