I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
