But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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