The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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