in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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