where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you still have your period?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
