girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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