dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
