so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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