I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
