I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
