we have pet lesbian snakes
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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