fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We have started to decorate penises.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
