i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
In America we eat man semen.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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