508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
