you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
