Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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