yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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