We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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