i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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