Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
and i looked up. we had an audience...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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