Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
