community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
